Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

by Kyla on October 15, 2013 · 8 comments

I thought that not being able to fall pregnant was bad but IVF quickly introduced me to a whole world of hurt – knowing that we created life that wasn’t strong enough to make it was heart-wrenching as day by day our hopes were dashed. I was unprepared for the pain of losing embryos still in the petri-dish when logically my brain told me that they were just possibilities and that until they were back in my body they didn’t have a chance anyway.

Having life put back in and failing to take? That was worse but losing our twins was one of the lowest moments ever. That still hurts, years later I still remember the day I started bleeding, still pause on their EDD and wonder ‘what if?’. It’s hard, made so much worse by the social stigma against recognising that loss. Hell, my own mother has told me that I should be “over it by now”.

So many families hurt in silence, so many experience infertility, miscarriage and loss – some have the uniquely horrifying experience of giving birth to a baby born sleeping, others have the light sucked out of their world when they lose an infant or child.

One in Four confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage. One In Four. In every 134 births a baby is born sleeping. Our infant mortality rate is 4.2 in 1000 and child mortality at 0.2 in 1000*. That’s a lot of people hurting and you know some of them, even if you do not know their pain.

Today, October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day. Take the time today to reach out to someone you know is missing their child, tell them you’re thinking of them, ask them how they’re doing, share that their little one hasn’t been forgotten. They’ll appreciate it more than you will know.

loss

*ABS, Deaths Australia 2011

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Annaleis from Teapots and Tractors October 15, 2013 at 2:12 pm

Thinking of you today Kyla and the one that wasn’t here xxx
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Aroha @ Colours of Sunset October 15, 2013 at 2:34 pm

It amazes me that people even think they have the right to tell you how to feel about *any* of this, honestly. But most especially not someone who hasn’t experienced exactly what you have. xo Aroha
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Rach October 15, 2013 at 8:53 pm

This is so beautifully written…my mum recently had a chat with me it’s been 2 years since we lost our jellybean and she told me that she understands that this is something I will carry with me always….it felt nice like the first time someone hadn’t told me to just get over it already. xxx
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Mamagoingsolo October 15, 2013 at 8:55 pm

Gosh, it’s heartbreaking, I don’t know how to even think about such a thing happening to me, but I know that incredibly, people go on day by day and are able to be happy. Such bravery.
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Jo at Poppies October 15, 2013 at 9:24 pm

The statistics are so sad and scary. Women often don’t realise how all too common pregnancy loss is until someone they know or themselves experience it. Thank you for helping raise awareness and be kind to yourself on this day and always xxx

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Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me October 16, 2013 at 6:44 am

Hugs to you, not just for yesterday but for getting through every day after having so much pain and sadness tucked away. That is something my mum would say also, but she’s a ‘get on with it’ type of person, which makes someone like me, quite sensitive, at times difficult to understand. Lovely post Ky and nice to see your ‘face’ around her again! Em x

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EssentiallyJess October 18, 2013 at 2:46 pm

I’m always amazed at how many people have these stories, especially with still births. I guess I naively thought that is something we would have been able to ‘fix’ by now. I wish it was something that we could have stopped.
I can’t imagine that there is any good time to lose a child. Whether in the petri dish, the womb or all grown up. And I don’t think you should ever have to get over it. Somethings are not that easy.
Thinking of you Kyla xxx
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Wendy Parks October 21, 2013 at 2:02 pm

Beautifully written Kyla.
We lit six candles for our six IVF babies on October 15th – and it helped.
It’s hard when there are no photos, no gravestone or no memories to hold on to – but each year we will light six candles.

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