I’ve always thought that it is incredibly important to talk about infertility. Trying for a baby can be such an isolating time and when the days, weeks and months start to turn into years, doctors’ appointments and hospital visits it helps to know that what you’re feeling is normal and ok.
Earlier this year I took part in a video series for Elevit* (despite it being totally out of my comfort zone) because of how important I think sharing is. We’re not remarkable, sure we had a rough trot but it’s nothing compared to some stories I’ve heard. We are, however, willing to speak about it frankly, honestly and with a small dose of humour.
So many families are touched by infertility, miscarriage and loss yet it’s still a secret pain, crying in the shower while putting on a brave face for the world… So I talk and I write and I share, I reach out because that’s what we do when we feel alone and scared and hurt; we look for someone like us so that we don’t feel alone any more.
There’s no denying that the past 20 months have been hard for us, trying to come to terms with being a family of three isn’t something that has come easily and, I think, with any loss there is a tipping point, a place where pain dulls and memory blurs, where the longing grows and fragile hope starts to push through the rubble.
In the last few weeks it has become obvious that we are at that point. It’s time to do something, to either make the decision to send hubby for the snip and end our ridiculous just-in-case-of-pregnancy hoarding and spending (do you know how much you can save on PHI if you don’t have pregnancy/IVF cover?) or to throw ourselves back into the emotional whirlpool and hope that if we don’t get lucky we at least feel done.
Trying again has always been a far off maybe to me, a feeling of needing to give hope somewhere to fly before giving up forever because my heart still aches and our family still feels incomplete… Sometimes, despite knowing full well that there is heartbreak on the horizon, you have to take that chance.
So here we go again.
I can’t say I’m 100% sure about this decision and the timing of it could be better – our life is beyond insane at the moment so throwing this into the mix probably isn’t the smartest thing but… the drugs are in the fridge, the sharps container is on the side and we’re T-14 days (give or take) to crazy town.
*The link to the series is here if you’re curious, I don’t look or sound like me which is due to the heavy makeup and the fact that I still had the tail end of that nasty bronchitis but I’m super proud of myself for taking part.
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